I Won't Apologize

These have been sombre days lately. I should talk to my dr. but I wrote this instead

i won't apologize                      

i won’t die on your terms
my small rebellion will
be a pool of blood
or scattered pill bottles

i won’t leave behind soothing words
of remorse or apology
i won’t let you believe
there was nothing you could have done
i will die angry at your apathy

i won’t be a silent shadow
you will know why
i made a decision

i won’t be a whispering pen
a note and ink splotted by tears
telling you i wished for a better way
than pills or a knife or a syringe
why would i lie
at the perfect moment
when being nothing takes hold

i won’t apologize
and you won’t grieve
my last words
will not be
i’m sorry